Do Not Inhale This Blog

Some Discoveries.

2009-01-16T16:50:00.002-05:00

It's been a few weeks since I last posted here, in that time I've been tinkering around with some things. One of the things is programming, C++, Python, etc. Well mostly Python once I discovered that since its much easier and I just like the way everything works much better. I'll probably get into Java at some point in the near future.

I have also discovered the wonder and magic that is Windows Sidebar. I have a gadget for pretty much anything, hell I am writing this blog right now on the blogger gadget. I have a PC monitor that is in the shape of an anime girls face, she gets more upset the greater my PC usage. I have an iTunes controller, magic 8 ball, a spirt detector, and several different clocks. I'm never going to actually use some of these, but they are pretty cool to mess with.

I recently downloaded about 400 new songs, and a new iPod to fit them in. I've been going through the songs, picking out what I didn't like and adding the rest to my iPod. I'm still not done but hopefully I will be soon.

Lastly, I have been trying my best to file for unemployment. They really don't make it easy. I went to the office right when they opened and they told me to go home and do it online or by phone. The online method had an error when i tried to submit my information and now I am unable to use that method. The phones are impossible to get through, every time i wait for a bit going through several different machines. Entering different pieces of information on each one, and then finally it says that they are too busy right now, try again later. This is the product of your government hard at work folks.

A List of Movies That Shouldn't Exist.

2009-01-02T21:04:00.003-05:00

This is a follow-up to my previous post in which I mentioned the decline of modern cinema that came about from a trip to Blockbuster. Well I went back to the video store tonight, this time I made a list of movies that should not have been made. It's not that I think these movies are bad, most of them are beyond that.

First we start with a little flick called Baitshop. It stars Billy Ray Cyrus in a movie that seems to be a heartwarming look at an average southern man. Really any movie featuring Billy Ray should just be burned. Another movie featuring a southern man to eliminate would have to be Witless Protection staring Larry the Cable Guy. Honestly I'm waiting to see a slapstick comedy that stars the KKK. While we're on the subject, when did it become popular or trendy to be a redneck? When did society start not only to listen to these guys but to actually enjoy it as well? If you're white don't act black, if your house doesn't have wheels under it don't act like a redneck.

Where the #$&% is Santa? is the next unfortunate studio choice, it features Bam Margera of all people. He can skateboard, he can curse, but can he act? Lord knows I didn't want to pay the five dollars to find out.

Beer For My Horses.......really? It has Toby Keith and about the IQ of a Q-Tip I'm sure.

The next three could have just been combined into one movie instead of wasting three separate slots in the video store. Blonde and Blonder staring Pamela Anderson. Blonde Ambition Staring Jessica Simpson. Lastly, The House Bunny which features four women that might as well be clones of the first two stars.

Garfield's Fun Fest, which is the third Garfield movie I believe. Very few movies deserve three, Star Wars, Indiana Jones. These are the things we need more of, Garfield....not so much.

I'm Through With White Girls is the next movie to have somehow escaped from the rejection pile. Now you don't see Lifetime movies in Blockbuster, so you shouldn't see UPN or BET movies there either.

Next is The Hottie, The Nottie which stars Paris Hilton. I don't even have to say anything else.

Any movie that spawned from the Scary Movie franchise is unnecessary. This includes, but is not limited to, Meet the Spartans and Superhero Movie. Honestly we get it, you guys can parody movies, too bad they're all the same. Weird Al Yankovic could make a better parody with his funny bone tied behind his accordion.

I previously mentioned Pulse 2 but today I noticed a Pulse 3. I sigh and move on.

I can't even picture the plot on this next one, War of the Worlds 2. Do the aliens make a vaccine against our germs but this time we blast the shit out of them and it works? Is the American flag displayed in the background of that final blast? After the credits is there a scene in which an alien lifts its eyelid as foreshadowing for War of the Worlds 3? If there is a god the answer to all these questions must be no.

Quite a long list, and this was only from the new releases section. I didn't even dare look into the older movies, lord I would have been here all night. If any of these movies was not a waste of space or attention please inform me, though I doubt there will be any. I mean it's not that I have high standards, It's just that I do have standards.

Hit From the Soul, Not the Mind.

2008-12-31T04:28:00.002-05:00

The first few days of unemployment have been very well received by my body and mind, turns out having no job is the best job of them all. I really needed this, it was getting too crazy at LNT. This time off has already given me some much needed time to think. Thinking about the distant future, the not so distant future, and the past to keep things interesting. I realized that I should work for the government after I'm done accepting checks from them. Sure no thought is needed and I know that would get boring, but I own Nerf guns, I'm sure I could make the place interesting enough. The benefit I'm thinking of is that, "Customer is always right" shit won't exist. In its place it will read, "The government is always right" and I'll be there with a big smile on my face. Either that or some place that flat out doesn't care about people, which should be easy to find in Jersey.

In other news, I figured out what I'm wearing to the school thing: a suit. Not any suit either, I have a replica of the jacket Ringo wore on the cover of Abbey Road. Now I'm sure I'll be over dressed as hell, but damn I know it will be awesome. I always loved a good excuse to dress up, and I clean up niiice. This is of course after I get my hair cut to about my neck and straighten it for this. Sure I'll be unemployed but I'll look like I'm working for Tony Stark, things have a way of balancing out.

Lastly an observation, movies these days suck.

Oh you want more than that, fiiiiine. Well this thought came into my mind shortly after I passed Pulse 2 and Zombie Strippers (Not even kidding) at blockbuster. Now if a just and loving god existed, he wouldn't have let these "movies" be spawned into existence. The first Pulse took an interesting concept and beat it with a stick for about an hour and a half. Now the idea this movie was based on wasn't half bad, which meant it had to be at least half good, but the way they presented it wasn't right. So we have a bad movie, that has a sequel? I remember when a movie had to be good before the studio would take a chance on a second. These days every idea has three knock-offs and five sequels. Now I won't even get into the mind numbing sensation that I feel whenever I think of the title "Zombie Strippers". It honest to god makes me want to create a time machine just so I can devote my life to finding the man that made this movie and do something creative to him just so he knows what creative means. Now out there in the endless sea of prequels, pre-prequels, and sequels there are some good movies. I'm not going to say that every movie made these days is horrible, it just seems like for every one new/good idea there are twenty movies that makes me question existence. So kiddies I urge you, look at the dusty racks in movie stores, chances are the movies that are passed up by the Gulp-And-Blow in front of you are the ones you should be watching.

Nerf Or Nothin'.

2008-12-24T00:11:00.005-05:00

When I get my check this week, which will be the last one I get in person, I'm going to Toys "R" Us to buy four Nerf guns. Of course after that I will have to modify them to give them more shooting power, and then work the next day will be fun. I need to have more people I know buy these things so we can have a little war with them. I also have to see if there is a place where people meet up with Nerf guns and shoot each other for a few hours. Hell they have live action role playing in forests, there has to be a group of people as crazy as I am with Nerf guns.

On a separate note the next few weeks will be interesting, I'm trying to change as much about me as fast as I can. I'm getting some new clothes, cutting my hair, and I will be checking out the cost of contact lenses. The only problem is I'm not cutting all my hair off, just down to my neck. So I don't know how they should cut it and what I should do with it after. I don't really have any experience with this kind of thing because I haven't cut my hair since I started growing it. I'm also going to start reading that driving book I got from the DMV so I can get my license or permit as fast as I can. Let's just hope I remain as driven as I am now, pun semi-intended.

EDIT: My best friend Louis read this and said, "The game is on!" So I of course respond, "Then we shall have an epic battle, I'll walk into Time Warp (the comic book store he works at) and open the air with the shattering blast of my death machines. You'll dive over the counter to the back where you stashed your gun, I'll follow slaughtering any who stand in my way with a wave of foam bullets. Then your gun will feel the warm embrace of your hand and know its time to kill again, as our sights meet each other the winner will be decided once and for all." God I can't wait for the next time I see him.

The Letter.

2008-12-19T14:08:00.007-05:00

I received a letter from my old high school today, they want people that have graduated already to come back and speak to some of the kids. I already wanted to change some things about myself recently, such as getting contacts and cutting my hair a bit. Now I want to make these changes sooner but I doubt I'll be able to make it for the January 9th visit. The way the visit works is we go there and grab some food, then we go to our majors and talk to those kids for a bit. Then we all meet in the auditorium and get access to the microphone. Now I want to come up with some things to tell these kids, things that most people don't. If I could disenchant just one of these kids, if I could show them a new way, it would be worth the trip. I should read some xkcd strips to the kids, that might do the trick.

My Job.

2008-12-16T19:53:00.001-05:00

I've worked at Linens -N- Things since April and in two weeks I will no longer work there. No I did not give in my two weeks notice, my store like many others these days is in the process of closing. Those who have worked in one place for long enough and actually liked the place will understand the rest of this paragraph. Hopefully I can grant the rest of you some understanding into what it is like. Everyday I walk into my store and pass empty racks and half empty ones, I look onto the empty walls that were once filled with merchandise. Entire rooms are being emptied, the fixtures and the racks are even walking away with other store owners who purchased them. Each new day I work in a new, smaller store. Sure the same people are there with me, trying our best to maintain some order, but our residence is never quite the same. As the prices drop, so does the quality of the consumer that comes in. Where once we had people that were mortified by forgetting to take something out of their cart to pay. We now have people stuffing small products into larger ones to get away without paying for them. For those of you lucky enough to have never worked in a store under liquidation, even after reading this, I imagine it would be difficult for you to truly understand it. It is a physically and mentally draining experience, much like trying to defend your home and family from a pack of rabid wolves.